LIVING WITH PTSD AND THE ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS
Living with PTSD and the Roller Coaster of Emotions
October 14, 2021, by Jennifer Berk Weisman
Growing up in South Florida, I eagerly anticipated our annual trip to Disney World in Orlando. Back then, Walt Disney World solely consisted of the Magic Kingdom Park and three resort hotels. The park and hotels were all connected by a private monorail system. Three years after my birth, Walt Disney World opened to the public. I was filled with joy from the minute we drove through the main gate—magical it was!
As I got older and grew tall enough, my favorite ride in the entire park became Space Mountain. It plunges you into virtually complete darkness, while taking you on a thrill ride that simulates space travel. Not for the faint of heart, the popular amusement ride scared the daylights out of me. But I still pleaded to go on the ride repeatedly for the sheer joy and adrenaline rush, despite the long lines.
When our twin sons were 5 years old, we began taking them on trips to the Walt Disney World Resort. By this time, it had grown into a huge complex, including additional theme parks such as Epcot, Disney’s Animal Kingdom, Disney’s Hollywood Studios, and water parks. For some reason, my husband never liked Space Mountain or taking our boys on the ride. He claimed it was riding in the dark that he didn’t enjoy
I always loved roller coaster rides, so long as they didn’t go upside down. As a result, I often found myself taking our sons on the giant twisting and turning amusement park rides alone. Up until the one fateful day when my life as I knew it was forever changed. I became a survivor of trauma, and so did my family.
I was in a pedestrian crosswalk on a carefree Saturday when a distracted driver quickly turned left from a one-way street and ran right into me. The impact threw me out of the crosswalk. I landed on my head and shoulder and was temporarily knocked unconscious. After a while, despite the evident wounds having healed, I was left with a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These would both take years of outpatient therapy, doctor visits, and their toll on my normal everyday life.
Many people mistakenly associate these problems with veterans and not with ordinary people like me. Besides combat exposure, experiencing natural disasters, mass shootings, car accidents, cancer treatment, and the Covid-19 pandemic have all proved to traumatize individuals and cause PTSD. Daily life can become a roller coaster of mixed emotions beyond your control. I know because it happened to me.
The thrill of the roller coaster and the many feelings it evoked, enjoyable when I was young, no longer held its appeal. Unexpected triggers now cause extreme anxiety and fear, like a horror film I could not turn off. At times, it became difficult to distinguish between what was reality and what was pure panic from flashbacks. It can seem as though your life is in imminent danger. You can’t rationalize this fear away because the flood of emotions coursing through your body is so powerful. So, you instinctively go into fight-or-flight mode.
Your brain signals danger even though there may be no "real" threat present. Heart racing, body perspiring, panic rising, and hands shaking, you try to identify a safe place. Attempting to calm down and disrupt your body’s stress response, you struggle to assess what triggered your PTSD. There are multiple psychological triggers for people who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. These can be sounds, sights, places, odors, objects, or even people. All of these can be unconsciously associated with the traumatic event. When you have a PTSD episode, you may or may not know it’s about to occur. The attack can feel like being trapped inside a house of mirrors with no way out.
Living with post-traumatic stress disorder can be exhausting and bewildering. One day you might feel terrific and as though you’ve made excellent progress, with no reasonable explanation. The very next day, you may feel melancholy, like you should be fully recovered and without hope. There are many phases of recovery, and there are days you can backslide. I am convinced that the six years I spent dealing with the car accident lawsuit hampered my PTSD recovery and even retraumatized me. Having to repeatedly recount the events of my accident for doctors or therapists was no help for me to heal. It would exacerbate my symptoms on many days.
Ultimately, after our sons graduated from high school, we moved from New Jersey to Arizona. Leaving the place where my accident occurred and no longer having to face the town or street "where my life was forever changed" was a pivotal step in my healing. Unfortunately, riding as a passenger in a car can still trigger me. I desperately need to feel in control. Unless I spend the rest of my life personally driving around, I do not imagine how I will ever be completely cured. I can just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Living with PTSD and the Roller Coaster of Emotions
October 14, 2021, by Jennifer Berk Weisman
Growing up in South Florida, I eagerly anticipated our annual trip to Disney World in Orlando. Back then, Walt Disney World solely consisted of the Magic Kingdom Park and three resort hotels. The park and hotels were all connected by a private monorail system. Three years after my birth, Walt Disney World opened to the public. I was filled with joy from the minute we drove through the main gate—magical it was!
As I got older and grew tall enough, my favorite ride in the entire park became Space Mountain. It plunges you into virtually complete darkness, while taking you on a thrill ride that simulates space travel. Not for the faint of heart, the popular amusement ride scared the daylights out of me. But I still pleaded to go on the ride repeatedly for the sheer joy and adrenaline rush, despite the long lines.
When our twin sons were 5 years old, we began taking them on trips to the Walt Disney World Resort. By this time, it had grown into a huge complex, including additional theme parks such as Epcot, Disney’s Animal Kingdom, Disney’s Hollywood Studios, and water parks. For some reason, my husband never liked Space Mountain or taking our boys on the ride. He claimed it was riding in the dark that he didn’t enjoy
I always loved roller coaster rides, so long as they didn’t go upside down. As a result, I often found myself taking our sons on the giant twisting and turning amusement park rides alone. Up until the one fateful day when my life as I knew it was forever changed. I became a survivor of trauma, and so did my family.
I was in a pedestrian crosswalk on a carefree Saturday when a distracted driver quickly turned left from a one-way street and ran right into me. The impact threw me out of the crosswalk. I landed on my head and shoulder and was temporarily knocked unconscious. After a while, despite the evident wounds having healed, I was left with a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These would both take years of outpatient therapy, doctor visits, and their toll on my normal everyday life.
Many people mistakenly associate these problems with veterans and not with ordinary people like me. Besides combat exposure, experiencing natural disasters, mass shootings, car accidents, cancer treatment, and the Covid-19 pandemic have all proved to traumatize individuals and cause PTSD. Daily life can become a roller coaster of mixed emotions beyond your control. I know because it happened to me.
The thrill of the roller coaster and the many feelings it evoked, enjoyable when I was young, no longer held its appeal. Unexpected triggers now cause extreme anxiety and fear, like a horror film I could not turn off. At times, it became difficult to distinguish between what was reality and what was pure panic from flashbacks. It can seem as though your life is in imminent danger. You can’t rationalize this fear away because the flood of emotions coursing through your body is so powerful. So, you instinctively go into fight-or-flight mode.
Your brain signals danger even though there may be no "real" threat present. Heart racing, body perspiring, panic rising, and hands shaking, you try to identify a safe place. Attempting to calm down and disrupt your body’s stress response, you struggle to assess what triggered your PTSD. There are multiple psychological triggers for people who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. These can be sounds, sights, places, odors, objects, or even people. All of these can be unconsciously associated with the traumatic event. When you have a PTSD episode, you may or may not know it’s about to occur. The attack can feel like being trapped inside a house of mirrors with no way out.
Living with post-traumatic stress disorder can be exhausting and bewildering. One day you might feel terrific and as though you’ve made excellent progress, with no reasonable explanation. The very next day, you may feel melancholy, like you should be fully recovered and without hope. There are many phases of recovery, and there are days you can backslide. I am convinced that the six years I spent dealing with the car accident lawsuit hampered my PTSD recovery and even retraumatized me. Having to repeatedly recount the events of my accident for doctors or therapists was no help for me to heal. It would exacerbate my symptoms on many days.
Ultimately, after our sons graduated from high school, we moved from New Jersey to Arizona. Leaving the place where my accident occurred and no longer having to face the town or street "where my life was forever changed" was a pivotal step in my healing. Unfortunately, riding as a passenger in a car can still trigger me. I desperately need to feel in control. Unless I spend the rest of my life personally driving around, I do not imagine how I will ever be completely cured. I can just keep putting one foot in front of the other.